Monday, December 29, 2008

Tired

......of this wait. Christmas was less than a week ago and as expected I am really struggling with this endless wait. We had a wonderful Christmas and I am thankful that is was so busy that it kept my mind of of the wait but today I am tired of it. I am so ready for this phase of this journey to end that it is begining to hurt. I am tired of hearing "it will all happen in God's timing" (even though I know that is true). It doesn't lessen the pain of this wait and I am at the point that it doesn't help. I almost forget what life was like before we started this adoption. I am tired of waking up every day wondering "could this be the day" only to end the day without "the call." People have said that once you hold your child "the wait will disappear." Here is what I think. I think the pain of the wait will lessen and I will understand why we had to wait and I will feel peace in that but I don't believe the pain of the waiting will ever completely fade from my memory. This "wait" and all the highs and lows it has brought will always be with me. As long as there are parents waiting for their child and struggling with this process I will remember the wait. I think the memory of the wait will always come back to me like a bolt of lightening. I hope when I am finally on the other side of this unbearable wait I am able to offer the encouragement and support so many have offered to me.

I know I should be posting about our Christmas but I will save that for another day. A day when this wait seems more bearable but today is not that day.

3 comments:

Mark, Rebecca and Sophia said...

Sigh. I am with you.

Pamela said...

Melinda,
I think of you often... maybe it's because I am a fellow mom to 3 boys and know the longing for your little girl. I think you are right... the pain you felt is there everytime there is a longing parent still waiting for their promise... I feel that pain now for you. I've been praying for you. I know a little taste of what it feels like to daily wait for that phone call. I am praying it is soon and I am praying God to fill you with joy in the waiting. Hang in there.

Elizabeth Bergeron said...

I am so sorry that you are feeling so sad. This wait is terrible and stressful for so many of my dear friends. :( My thoughts and prayers are with you on this. Wish I could change it for you. You have every right to feel the way you do.